How to Be Emotionless

Experiencing emotions is natural for human beings, and they are a part of our makeup. Yet, no matter whether you're experiencing positive or negative emotions, if they affect you too deeply, sometimes emotions can fuel self-sabotaging behavior or render you incapable of any action. For this reason, it can be extremely useful in both professional and personal situations to learn to be without emotion when the situation warrants it.

Being emotionless involves actively responding to emotions by consciously changing your patterns of thought and behavior so you dissociate from the emotion and do not let it affect your psyche or actions. In fact, the moment you "think" about the emotion itself as opposed to letting yourself be swept off by feelings, you start to control the emotion again. The following steps will teach you how to be emotionless when the need arises.

Note: This article is not recommending that you seek to be emotionless all of the time. The methods outlined here are intended for those occasions where you feel that emotions threaten to overwhelm you and/or your performance.

Steps

1. 1
   Practice meditation. Meditation is one of the best ways to master your emotions. Through meditation and practicing mindfulness, you learn to acknowledge your emotions, accept them but then let them go. Though some people manage to release emotional attachments on command, this is generally only attained after practicing meditation for a long time and maintaining a daily practice.
   • Learn to meditate at a meditation or yoga school. You can also buy books or DVD courses to learn to meditate.
   • You can practice a simple meditation by focusing on your breath. Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed and assume a comfortable position that allows you to breathe deeply. Inhale through your nose and breathe to your belly; exhale from your belly through your nose. While breathing, focus on your breath as it moves through your body. If any thoughts or emotions come up, simply acknowledge them. Do not try to change or fix them: just accept them. Then let them go and continue to breathe deeply.
   • Visualization techniques are powerful meditation tools. Imagine something that you associate with a peaceful feeling––traditionally, this would be the lotus flower––and concentrate on that image in your mind. Every time your mind wanders, acknowledge, accept and let the thoughts go, and bring the focus back to your visualization.
2. 2
   Dissociate from the situation that is giving rise to powerful emotions in you. Rise above what is happening and pretend you're observing somebody else, not yourself. This action allows you to objectively interpret a situation without involving your emotions.
   • Imagine that you're looking at the situation as an outsider, with no prior knowledge or any material or emotional interest at all. With dissociation, you don't allow yourself to be subjective; rather, you remain objective, like a doctor treating a patient.
3. 3
   Practice logic. Rather than assuming things based in fear, anger or similar emotional reactions, focus on finding the cause and effect relationship in a situation. Work purely with facts. Logic often combats emotion and allows you to see the reality in a situation––provided you make the choice to allow the facts to speak.
   • For example, if you're afraid you won't do well in a job interview, reason that you chose to apply to it and that the only reason you're being asked to interview is that you have the qualifications the position requires. In addition, you can reason that the demeanor of the person interviewing you is somewhat representative of the company culture, so depending on how at ease you feel, the company may or may not be a good fit for you.
   • Realize that we're somewhat attached to reaching a sense of emotional crisis or feeling bad because in many ways, this provides us with a sense of identity and allows us to take mental shortcuts rather than having to rely on thinking things through more substantially (which consumes energy). Being energy-conserving beings, we often let our pre-set emotional pathways do the thinking work, when in fact, we have to discipline ourselves to overcome this knee-jerk default.
4. 4
   Accept that you might be wrong. Whether you're worried, angry, sad or overenthusiastic, you might be wrong. In fact, even if you are right, it's likely to be only your perspective and someone else's perspective is equally right or valid. Many issues in life simply don't have a pure, single answer and to think in such black and white terms and to never admit of doubt is to give precedence to gut reactions rather than reason or deduction.
5. 5
   Dismiss self-sabotaging thoughts. It's easy enough to whip yourself into a frenzy of self-pity and internal loathing. Media images of the perfect body, the perfect lifestyle, the perfect job and the like are targeted at making us all feel "less than". But only you can accept to make yourself feel that way. The answer is to not do it.
   • Stop comparing yourself. The moment you compare yourself with others, you reduce your own unique worth. You have talents, abilities and foibles all of your very own––own them and help them to either shine or disappear, as needed. Comparison is for prices, not people.
   • Stop thinking that you aren't equipped to handle a situation, or thinking everything always goes wrong anyway. Thinking this way actively undermines your functioning. Replace thoughts like these with logic and try to find a solution.
     • For example, if you think you cannot go to your dentist because you're scared of having a tooth pulled, reason that your dentist is the right person to help you without hurting you, that he or she has dealt with many scared patients before and will be patient with you and that no matter what procedure needs to happen, he or she will give you an anesthetic so you don't feel any pain. Reason too, that if you do not go to the dentist, you will probably be in much more pain in the future, let alone wallowing in regret for something not done.
6. 6
   Avoid self-sabotaging behavior. No matter how angry, frustrated or worried you are, do not act upon such emotions until you have taken the time to carefully review the situation. Place yourself in a position to think clearly and see the consequences of your actions.
   • For example, if a colleague criticizes your work, refrain from writing her an angry email or saying something to her in anger. Rather, take some time to figure out if her criticism is valid, whether you can improve your work thanks to her input, and whether you need to ask her to be more friendly in her criticism because her tone upset you.
7. 7
   Distract yourself. Rather than remaining stuck in a worrisome train of thought, if you find yourself unable to change it, get up and do something else, preferably something active that makes you feel good. If you're sad or worried and you can't stop thinking, run outdoors with your pet, go to the gym for a workout or take your camera and go shoot nature. Do anything that will actively engage your mind and force your thoughts away from emotional ones.
8. 8
   Create new mind maps. According to neuro-leadership expert David Rock, it's very hard to rewire our neural pathways. Instead, it's a whole lot easier to make new ones. And the good news is that new neural pathways, new mind maps, or new ways of thinking, tend to be stronger because they're fresh and you're focusing most on them. So, rather than spending inordinate amounts of time trying to overcome an ingrained perception of yourself as sullen, hopeless and never-going-anywhere, make a new mind map of yourself as inspired, goal-oriented and exciting to be around. Spend all of your energy on creating this new mental map through actions that confirm objectively that this is the person you are. With practice, you'll shape this new neural circuitry and you can simply ignore the old wiring that had you so emotionally overwrought.
9. 9
   Think community, not self. It's a lot harder to be emotionally caught up in yourself when you're focused on others. In highly individualistic communities, the self can easily become paramount at the expense of a sense of connection with others. In turn, this can cause us to be too emotionally self-involved because the self is all we've got to concentrate on. Connecting with other people is healthy and uplifting in an individual's life. By helping others, volunteering, giving time to mentor or guide others, sharing your knowledge and your cup of sugar with other people in your community, you'll find your emotions aren't such a driving force. Sure, altruistic feelings and feeling good are at the basis of this, but by focusing on others, there is less space and time for turning any inner emotions into overwhelming inaction or self-distress. Others rely on you, therefore you get on with it and stop emoting.

Tips

• Think before you speak. Often emotions cause us to blurt out a response that doesn't reflect good sense or what we really mean and yet we then feel defensive and get stuck defending stupid things. On the other hand, reflection allows for us to say something more meaningful––it is thoughts that give us wisdom. If you're dying to say something before thinking it through, remember the adage that it is better to not be heard and to have people think you're not so bright, than to open your mouth and confirm it.
• Don't see tears as a problem but as a solution. Researchers into the science of tears have found that a crying person is best left to cry it out because this is, in itself, a resolution. You may actually make things worse when you ask a person to stop crying or to stop being so sad about something. Many people feel a whole lot better after crying––it's a physical mechanism for sorting out emotions. By diverting the person from crying, you might be condemning them to ruminate rather than move on!

Warnings

• If you find yourself at the mercy of your emotions and you can't stop them, you might be suffering from anxiety, depression or another condition. Do not hesitate to seek medical help. The sooner you get help, the sooner you will be taken through coping tools that will help you for the rest of your life.