Elderly people are now who you will one day become. Respecting their wisdom, knowledge, grace and fortitude should come second nature to younger generations but it isn't always the case. Sometimes we need reminding of why it is so important to respect our elders for what they have to impart to us that will help ease our journey through life.
EditSteps
- 1Reflect upon your own agism. Do you think that people who are even only five years older than you are "really old"? If so, you're likely to see someone who is 60 years older than you as positively fossilized. And that can be problematic if you fall into the all-too-easy trap of assuming that older means outdated, not with it and stuck-in-the-past. A lot of assumptions are made about aging and most of these assumptions are unhelpful generalizations that prevent connection and knowledge sharing. Start today by throwing aside assumptions about people going by their age. No matter our age, we are still unique individuals, with the same range of values, gifts and flaws as any other person.
- How many older people count as your friends? If you say none or only your grandparents, think about why this is.
- Are you afraid of connecting with older people? Do you feel more comfortable with your generalizations and stereotypes of older people? If so, why?
- How many older people count as your friends? If you say none or only your grandparents, think about why this is.
- 2Start noticing older people around you. Observe what they're doing and read about their contributions to society. Many retired people continue to work in their field, often for free, continuing to contribute to the greater basket of world knowledge. Others are taking considerable care of grandchildren or other people's children through care arrangements in home or at childcare centers, ensuring that the next generation is getting the best start possible in life. Others are rediscovering lost hobbies, roaming the world, grappling with life's great mysteries and spending time learning new things that astound them. Perhaps you'll begin to realize that life renews when you grow older, new opportunities open up to flourish anew, to slow down and appreciate what life and the world have to offer. That's to be admired... and respected.
- 3Be considerate of older people's well-being. The reality of the human body is that it deteriorates as we age. Different people age differently, according to their genes, lifestyle choices and life's experiences and so you will find some elderly are much fitter and daredevil than others who are forced to live with illness or medical conditions. It is only proper that fit and healthy younger generations show respect the reality of the human body's growing frailty in ways that acknowledge the younger person's ability to cope more easily with certain physical situations. For example:
- Stand when an older person needs a seat, be it on public transportation, in a waiting room or anywhere else. You have young, able legs and a need to stay fit by standing on them. And here is the respectful part––do it with grace, not because the person is older than you. Do it because they matter as a human being. In thinking this way, you'll find your attitude shifts a great deal.
- Do not shout at an elderly person assuming that he or she is deaf or stupid. Being old doesn't necessarily mean hard-of-hearing and it doesn't mean they're stupid. If anything, older people are much wiser than you, they've seen it all and some and have a few good tips for improving your way of living too.
- If driving an elderly person somewhere, don't assume they want to be in the backseat. Ask them where they'd like to sit first. And be on hand to help them in and out of the car––the distance from the seat can be difficult sometimes for those with less strength in their bodies.
- Stand when an older person needs a seat, be it on public transportation, in a waiting room or anywhere else. You have young, able legs and a need to stay fit by standing on them. And here is the respectful part––do it with grace, not because the person is older than you. Do it because they matter as a human being. In thinking this way, you'll find your attitude shifts a great deal.
- 4Show respect through manners that acknowledge the greater breadth of wisdom and life experience of each older person. For example:
- Acknowledge older people when you are having conversations. Talk directly to them, not around them.
- Unless asked to, do not call someone of an older generation by his or her first name. They'll let you know soon enough if first name basis is okay by them; this applies whether you're 6 or 76––if the person is older than you, be considerate (after all, it keeps you young).
- Stand when a person of an older generation enters the room or comes to your table in a restaurant. Help them with being seated in their chair if needed.
- Acknowledge older people when you are having conversations. Talk directly to them, not around them.
- 5Avoid assuming helplessness. Help aging people keep their autonomy as long as possible by not doing things for them that they can do for themselves. Never assume that an older person doesn't know how to do something; be tactful and assume that either they know it and don't care to do it or that they'll let you know if they want to learn how. Moreover, don't give unwanted advice––just as you wouldn't do for any other person in your life, respect that an older person can also do without unwanted advice.
- When you want to be helpful, ask if the help is wanted.
- When you want to be helpful, ask if the help is wanted.
- 6Share memories. Take time to talk to people older than yourself, and the older, the better. When was the last time you sat down with someone two or more generations before yours and had a really good talk? One that involved asking them about their memories, their impressions of how the world has changed (and hasn't) and their ideas of how they'd like the future to be? Sometimes we are so wrapped up in believing that the future always lies with youth that we forget the lessons that older people can teach us. They have seen and experienced things we may never know, or may be decades away from learning ourselves. By opening up and listening to their stories, you can learn a lot, discover things you never knew and perhaps even find a great new friend and confidante. Above all, seek to make connections that resonate with both of you, as this is the highest form of respect for another possible:
- Talk about where you live now and how it has changed.
- Talk about places both of you have been to in the world. What did those places mean to this person? Do you have the same feelings?
- Discuss your shared and different music tastes. Ask what they think about the development of music and about today's styles.
- Ask about clothes they used to wear and how things have changed. Ask them about their honest opinions on what people should and shouldn't wear and why. You may be surprised.
- Grab photo albums or go online and find photos of family, friends, your home, your town or city, famous events, etc. Use the photos to initiate any number of amazing discussions about the past, the present and the future.
- Be open to exploring all sorts of things. Many older people will be absolutely thrilled to have an opportunity to share ideas, dreams, memories, experiences and things they're still hoping to do with you. They may also have amazing things to teach you, like skills that are getting forgotten as humanity modernizes at breakneck speed. And perhaps you can even help them to realize unfulfilled dreams in some way!
- Talk about where you live now and how it has changed.
- 7Be a teacher too. To be truly respectful, the sharing of knowledge is a two-way street. Older people have every entitlement to learn from the young too, particularly where your skills are stronger. For example, assuming that "all old people are technically incompetent" is a limiting and unhelpful generalization. Many senior people love going online and discovering new things; others may never have been given the opportunity because younger generations assumed they weren't interested. There are lots of ways you might be able to open up a whole new vista for an elderly person or group of elderly people, such as:
- Teach them how to wiki. Start a wiki with them and help them learn how to use it. Encourage them to keep it updated and to use it as a way to stay connected with each other.
- Show them how to use Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites. It's likely that once some of them get the hang of it, they'll make the most of these tools for their own lives.
- Spend time teaching them how to use the internet, Garage Band, Word, whatever software or online issue you know they'd benefit from. From learning how to pay their bills and do banking online to writing out melodies in electronic form that they have swirling around their head, you can make their lives more enriched and easier through teaching a few simple skills.
- Don't just reach out to grandmother or local elderly friends. Consider holding classes at a local community center to teach elderly people skills. Keep the price low––or free even––in recognition of all they've given throughout their lives.
- Teach them how to wiki. Start a wiki with them and help them learn how to use it. Encourage them to keep it updated and to use it as a way to stay connected with each other.
- 8Consider nurturing cross-generational activities in your local community to help every generation learn the benefits of stepping outside of its own generational mindset. In particular, find ways to help older people to stay connected with younger generations too, by giving them opportunities to participate in community, school and other events that they can use their skills in. By doing this, you increase wider community respect for elderly people in a way that is active, positive and sharing.
- 9Remember, one day being older will be you. How will you like to be treated? Are you treating the elderly people in your life in the way you would like to be treated? If not, now is the time to begin.
- Smile and be gracious when in the company of older people. Simply by being open to including senior people in your life, your own life will be enriched.
- Smile and be gracious when in the company of older people. Simply by being open to including senior people in your life, your own life will be enriched.
EditTips
- Finding ways to respect and honor older people is often a pathway to better understanding and acceptance of your own concerns and ideas about aging. Learning about the ways other people have coped with growing older can give you greater insight into taking better care of yourself now and realizing that with old age often comes great new opportunities and a wiser self.
- Some of the things older people can teach you include:
- How to say no
- How to live life to the fullest without ruining your reputation
- How to love yourself, warts and all
- How to love your wrinkles
- How to never retire (at least, if you're having so much fun, you don't want to)
- How to slow down and appreciate life
- How to accept those few extra pounds or kilos
- How to treat your own body with more respect
- How not to sweat the small stuff and to take a more philosophical approach to life.
- Carrying around a chip on your shoulder at how good previous generations had it? By asking people from earlier generations than your own about the past, your ideas of life being easier back then or of them "getting all the breaks" will often be changed dramatically. Communication between generations is an important part of respecting one another and learning instead of assuming.
EditWarnings
- If you do have an ageist attitude, work on undoing it. Being ageist is increasingly becoming an issue of actionable discrimination in many jurisdictions of the world and if you run a business, head a company or you're in charge of human resources decisions, you might fall afoul of such laws if you can't see past your ageist notions.
- Be compassionate if your attempts to engage an elderly person are met with gruffness, anger, annoyance or a rebuff. Pain, years of intolerance, frustration at society, and other reasons may well be behind the gruff exterior, as a way of coping and protecting. Persevere politely.
